The Manifesto of Mike Pearce

Polling Station by hugovk at Flickr
Polling Station by hugovk

There’s an election around the corner and I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and outline, with little detail, my manifesto so, should you arrive at your polling staton on the 6th May, step into the wooden voting booth with your Crayola number #000 and your little slip of neutrally coloured paper to find my avatar beaming at you from the page, you’ll know who to vote for *wink, wink*.

So, without further ado, the Manifesto of Mike Pearce

  • I shall ensure that all developers adhere to a consitent indenting style. This shall shall be decided by the house over some months of debate no doubt.
  • The house shall also debate about the location of braces (or curly brackets). New line or not.
  • I shall ensure that people who call an ip address someone “Intellectual Property Address” have no place in my cabinet.
  • Bigots will be welcomed.
  • A law will be passed that states you can use any IDE you want to. Including vi.
  • … except Nano. That is for losers.
  • Perl will be struck from the list of languages and no one will be required to write, or learn it ever. In the words of @nefarioustim: “@->$_ {} ? FUCK OFF”
  • A Quango will be setup to refactor PHP so that all assignments are done with $var = method($x); and not method($x, $var) as that is suck.
  • Independant analysis will decide whether Python Eggs are worth the hassle.
  • All code written, ever, will be peer reviewed.
  • Any engineer or developer writing code that isn’t documented will be thrown into The Grand Hotel, Room infinity+n for ever (this is not as nice as it sounds, seriously).
  • Script writers for TV and Film will be required to submit any scenes that involve computers, programming or other technology to a jury of geeks in order that I don’t have to sit through another film while my peers snort at characters programming with a green screen, on an iPad, with a projected keyboard and mouse-glove.
  • Ruby shall be renamed to something that doesn’t sound posher than all the other languages, then Ruby developers can take their heads out of their arses and join the rest of us proletariat devs.

Clearly this is all based around software engineering and development. I have neglected to add anything about Real Ale, Curry or Inline skaters.

2 thoughts on “The Manifesto of Mike Pearce

  1. Definately going with the film idea, if I have to sit through another film where an octet in an IP address is over 255 I may scream! or at least be left by my partner for moaning about it

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